Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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