I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
50% drunk capacity currently
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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