if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
