Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
