Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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