4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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