i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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