This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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