Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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