i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
