Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
