if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
the raccoons are back...
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