I want to make a zoo with you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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