using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
