i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
