He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
