nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
