He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't notice because vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
