yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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