you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
