im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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