3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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