When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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