dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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