This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
