i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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