the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
