Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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