the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
