I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
