I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
