She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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