We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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