I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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