Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize