since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
