dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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