I just threw up on my dentist
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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