Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
