toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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