My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
