Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i've created a new STD.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
