Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
