Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
