she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
