look no pants
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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