I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize