You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
