Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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