ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
