Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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