he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Boobs speak an international language.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
