when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
