i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
