Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
