my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
