How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
