Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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