Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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