So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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