There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
