I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
