I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
