she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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