dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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