And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just had sex on a roof
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
