I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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