id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He shit in the fireplace
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize