apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
