Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
