Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Panties = found
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
