grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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