Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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