you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
