Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize