I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
